Servings
Ingredients
- 1 large Russet potato
- 1 tablespoon oil (canola or olive works for me) to coat tater
- 2 dashes kosher salt sprinkle on tater
- 1 dash pepper sprinkle on tater, use fresh ground, it tastes way better you cheap bastard
- Any toppings you like I go for butter or sour cream.
Directions
Continuing my theme of basic shit, I’m going to bake a potato for you. Potatoes are delicious in about ten thousand ways, and pretty much a universal mouth-language here in the states. You really can’t go wrong provided you don’t fuck up some simple steps.
So set your oven to preheat to 350. You’ll probably want to wait a bit til it’s close to preheated so your potato isn’t sitting there prepped, looking like an early bird douche. Put a baking pan on the bottom rack to catch any drippins.
Washed
Wash your spud(s) thoroughly with a bristle brush. You want to get any dirt off.
I pour a little dab of oil on my fingers, then spread it on the tater. Jab the hell out of it a dozen times to help it cook and release steam easier. I sprinkle kosher salt and a couple grinds of pepper all the way around.
Set that thing directly on the middle rack of the oven once the oven’s preheated, and set a timer for an hour. Go do something. If you time it right you can watch the Daily Show and Colbert Report and you’ll be ready to eat.
STABBING
Jab it with a fork first…if it’s done it will slide right in there. If it fights your jab put it in for another ten minutes.
Pull that sucker out and make a perforation with a fork and squish in from either end to open it up. It should release some deadly steam into your face if you’re dumb enough to be too close, blinding you and rendering the rest of your life a quest for the perfect echolocation technique. Plus you’ll always wonder…”Is someone silently watching me beat off?” Yes. Yes they are.
Bro Tip: If you’re stuck with a toaster oven or hate cleaning up (or paying for) using a full-size oven, follow the same steps, but just get it to 400dF instead of 350. Put that spud right on the rack or make a little tin-foil bowl under it. Don’t wrap it up! Cook it for an hour.
Anyway I like to drop a bit of butter right in the middle and throw some sour cream in there too. You can nuke some crispy bacon up and crumble that shit in there, with cheese or whatever (or all of it). Give it a hit of salt and pepper to taste, and dig in. I finished this before the cheese finished melting, but if you want to wait five minutes you’ll have a gooey tater/cheese/bacon/sourcream fucking tastegasm. Charles probably makes baked potatoes and carves it into a penis so it feels better in his mouth.
What toppings do you like?