warning: this is going tequila few brain cells.
open the bottle. empty the bottle into your favorite alimentary canal (preferably via the “in” door) then go smashing your way down the hall until your williams hurt.
Here’s a Japanese chick with enormous boobs jumping around beating chicken.
SPEEEEED COOOKING
UZI Fruit Cocktail. Really. “I’m going to fuck this fruit up.”
Will It Blend? Freakin’ oysters. (SPOILER: YES)
This band is called “Bizarre Cooking Accident”. That is all.
I’ve still been on a bit of a cooking hiatus, not gonna lie. It’s funny, I’ve definitely realized that cooking is one of the major ways I express feelings and this whole concept of “sharing” something with someone, that it’s just not as interesting to cook for just myself anymore. In fact, this is one of the few real meals that I’ve cooked for myself over the past month and a half. I’ve done some cooking over the past few weeks because I had both Joe and Garrett staying with me at different points, but when it’s just been me I’ve resorted a lot to just ordering in or dining out. Probably why I feel so awful lately. Probably also why I’m pretty damn broke right now. Which leads me to this dinner I made tonight:
When I’m poor I basically eat like I’m French. I roast a chicken*, and eat off of that for like week, and just supplement it with various sides of vegetables and breads and such. Tonight I roasted a yam and some fingerling potatoes with the chicken (root vegetables are cheap as fuck and some, like yams, are super healthy), when they were done I took them all out of the pan and then used the rendered off chicken fat to saute mushrooms and chinese greens in. And there’s also a spring salad in there, and some bread and butter and chevre. And green tea if you really need to know what’s in the mug.
I gotta say, this ain’t a bad way to live.
*Roasting a chicken is SUPER easy, so much so that I know it like the back of my hand and don’t really bother with a recipe at this point (plus I like to switch up the seasonings/herbs I use). However, Thomas Keller’s Roast Chicken is a very popular and easy recipe if you need one.
Here’s my friend Courtney, with her mang John and her lil sweet babycakes. They’re making yummy risotto.
I remember a long time ago, when I was living in the Crapartment and Courtney was in Vancouver (she may be there despite the silly Oilers paraphernalia adorning the fridge) we were gabbing on the phone, drunk, and suddenly she hollered, surprised. After regaining her composure she explained that, while holding a beer, she’d gone to lay down, and kept holding the beer as if she had not changed planes, whereupon the liquid, of course, said “Ah ha! I have you now!” and spilled out all over her. Prompting the aforementioned hollering.
That’s a funny memory of her that I have, even though we’ve never met in corpus. She has tons of cool videos under the username HannySocks.
if you do NOT like Jägermeister then go get some now. and peach schnapps. and cranberry juice. mix them together and make them cold. then drink it.
It’s some kind of meat-cake!
In browsing teh interwebs you see lots of fun stuff. Here’s none other than Anthony Bourdain, the most-secretly French dude you’ll ever meet, talking about the Food Network’s “stars” and his opinions thereof. It’s a fun read. He is a big fan of Mario Batali, if you didn’t know:
MARIO!
Oh, Mario! Oh great one! They shut down Molto Mario–only the smartest and best of the stand-up cooking shows. Is there any more egregiously under-used, criminally mishandled, dismissively treated chef on television? Relegated to the circus of Iron Chef America, where–like a great, toothless lion, fouling his cage, he hangs on–and on–a major draw (and often the only reason to watch the show). How I would like to see him unchained, free to make the television shows he’s capable of, the Real Mario–in all his Rabelasian brilliance. How I would love to hear the snapping bones of his cruel FN ringmasters, crunching between his mighty jaws! Let us see the cloven hooves beneath those cheery clogs! Let Mario be Mario!
So here’s the deal assholes. I made a bunch of awesome food a while ago, meant to post it on here, forgot to, and then my ass got dumped and I haven’t really cooked anything since. (Because I am a pussy and associate cooking with cooking FOR someone right now and it’s fucking dumb.) N E WAYZ. In lieu, I took a cue from Garth and his post featuring songs about food and made a mixtape on 8tracks containing awesome songs that reference food or drink or eating.
Tracklist is as follows:
Warning: Shit gets WEIRD.
I’ve been in dietland, so I’m surviving on a low calorie feed. But here’s a bunch of videos that make me laugh about food.
Here’s Brian Regan talking about fig newtons.
Louis CK continues the theme. Louis CK deserves all the credit he gets.
Patton Oswalt chats about KFC
This one just opens with Zach Galifinakis mentioning “airline food” and he’s funny as a motherfucker so I’m including it. Enjoy.
Maria Bamford is hilarious. She’s talking about vegetarianism and trying to take it up.
A non-video of David Cross on McDonald’s. It’s on Youtube, but it’s not a video…I…weird.
A discussion on household responsibilities with the Young Ones.
and that also means your favorite wine in the multiverse is Coppola’s Claret.
sure, it tastes like thirteen angels sixtynining, but maybe you love it because it comes in the sexiest bottle ever.
fuck yeah, that’s why.
